Don’t shame people who choose abstinence

There is a double standard very evident in our day in age. If someone has a lot of sex, they are either praised for it or bashed for it, and if they haven’t had any sex or want to wait a while before they do, they are considered weak and are made fun of for it. Anyone, regardless of gender,  is subject to being made fun of for not being sexually active.

In the movie “The Breakfast Club,” this is summed up well:  “Well, if you say you haven’t, you’re a prude. If you say you have you’re a slut. It’s a trap. You want to but you can’t, and when you do you wish you didn’t, right?”

Although this movie came out in 1985, this quote unfortunately still applies today. While we often talk about how we should not shame people for having a lot of sex, we rarely discuss prude-shaming, or virgin-shaming.

Ridiculing someone because sex isn’t one of their top priorities is incredibly degrading. Everyone deserves the right to manage their sex lives and not be mocked for their decisions.

Waiting for the right person or for marriage isn’t weird. A lot of people choose to do this. Being aware and careful about sexual risks is smart, not irrational, especially if one wants to avoid pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Take everything at your own pace.

We need to abolish the idea that in order to live an accomplished life, one must be sexually active. Not feeling sexual attraction is totally fine, and it isn’t a bad thing for someone to never want to have sex. Some people prioritize other things over sex, and that shouldn’t be considered strange.

When someone has anxiety about dating or is precautious about sex, any of the before mentioned things, do not tell them to “man up,” or to “get their life together.” This may pressure them into doing things they weren’t planning on doing or just really hurt them.

Also, some people may want to have sex, but just haven’t had the opportunity to do so yet. If this is the case, it is just as if not more harmful to them if they are ridiculed and judged. Not having had sex does not mean they are weak, lame, or unattractive.

Always be respectful of others’ situations and never pressure them into making sexual decisions before they are ready.